ring ring, hello humanity? can I take a message?

Many things vex me in this modern world but for the most part I can see past them to the great things we have achieved and the few individuals you meet in your life that make you think, yeah ok I have a reason to be here, this makes sense, this person is contributing to the greater and making the world a better place.

And then there’s Jamster (or Jamba! in other countries)

it's for you!

it's for you!

I can not begin to describe the sheer loathing I feel towards all phone related game shite. In particular Jamster, with its extremely questionable ‘Partner Tracker’ – fuelling absurd jealously and obsessive behaviour hurrah! Ok I realise they do say for entertainment purposes but the very idea of lo-jacking your loved ones suggests a very unhealthy emotional state. I can expect ‘Stalking for Laughs’ to appear in the autumn E4 schedule then?  Well, actually…

My biggest grievance is the ‘Dead Terrorist’ Achmed. I understand how making fun of something frightening can be a way of dealing with it but this isn’t showing bravery in the face of global troubles or uniting against acts of terrorism and oppression through the medium of popular culture. This is just bile inducing stereotyping wrapped in a destructive catchphrase and canned laughter, with the only slightly lesser crime of puppetry masquerading as comedy.

The thing with Jamster is its very placement within the advertising slot on TV.  Today it followed a plea for help from the solid sterling voice of Bill Patterson. Bill was asking for money to help and feed dying and starving children in third world countries. A moderate donation was requested. Charity adverts do suffer from over saturation but its still an effective medium for sponsorship. Straight after this stirring emotional request appealing to our inner altruist, comes the nerve shattering high pitched squeals hocking unnecessary products for cold hard credit. Its Jamster! For £4.50 a week you too can fuel the machine of our ultimate soul destroying fall from humanity into utter digital capitalist despair.

The same amount of money spent on irritating NeYo ring tones weekly could keep another human being alive. In 2005 Jamster made approximately $600 million – this is roughly about £412 million.  In the same year ActionAid raised £115. Obviously they are not usual competitors but just to give you an idea of the kind of profits floating around out there.  My sincerest wish is that the credit crunch absolutely crushes Jamster.

nathan barley's wasp, nathan created his own ringtones

nathan barley's wasp, nathan created his own ringtones

My phone has blue-tooth so I do have a song as a ringtone, Extra-curricular by At The Drive In, but I didn’t pay for it and nor would I. Also, I don’t need my phone to entertain people or display my individuality with glitter screen savers and personalised message tones. Its a communication tool, I need it talk to other people. The I-phone is however a completely different kettle of fish as it is essentially a portable computer. I just hate Jamster and companies modelled on Jamster. Long live word of mouth. And blogpages, of course.


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