Musician Jokes

A collection of jokes about our beloved musos.

This is an evolving page so far I just have a few drummer jokes.


What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five, one to screw the bulb in, and the other four to talk about how much better
Neil Peart would have done it.

Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
Because it can keep good time and won’t sleep with your girlfriend.

How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
You can tell it’s coming, but you can’t do a damn thing about it.

Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.

What’s the biggest lie told to drummers?
Hold on, I’ll help you with your gear.


One response to “Musician Jokes

  1. How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
    – He knocks 3 times and comes in early.

    What do you do if a drummer locks his keys in the car?
    – Smash the window to let the bass player out.

    How many singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    – Just one. They hold the bulb in place and the whole room revolves around them.

    How can a Jazz musician get £1mil?
    – Give him £2mil to start with.

    How can you get a guitar player to stop playing?
    – Put some sheet music in front of him.

    How do you give a duck soul?
    – Stick it in the oven till its bill withers.

    A-Thank you.

    Who’s the coolest guy in the hospital?
    – The ultra-sound guy.
    Who’s the coolest when he’s unavailable?
    – The hip-replacement guy.


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