Tag Archives: girl bands

Man as a genre

I mean this as in calling groups things like boy band/girl band – so being a boy or girl is somehow the same as playing blues music or funk music or rave music or rock music or repeat into Amoeba shelving infinity. You need not have any kind of recognisable shape to your noise – you just need to stand there in a group with the appropriate genitalia and fame will roll out ahead of like a languid serpent tongue.

TEENAGE BOY AS THEME – the theme of awkward sexual awakening? This, THIS is what you want your band to be known for?! That is literally the worst phase of anyones life. The surging hormones, the desperate search for identity, the shattering of childhood illusions, far more suitable for metal than pop really.

I would say many of the people in ‘boy bands’ could no longer legitimately call themselves boys. Many are far beyond bar mitzvah age. Although, and this is absolutely true, I was in a local museum (it happens) recently and saw a flyer with a group of what I perceived to be 2nd year high school students doing a poorly budgeted watered down stage version of Mad Max 3 but what I was swiftly informed was actually a paper promotion for a group of people known as One Direction.  I assume the direction in question is that of down. To hell. A special, special hell.

There is no need for this ‘boy band’ shite. The same goes for girl band, obviously. I’ve seen male and female humanoids of all ages master a tambourine.

It’s a bit like calling someone a child actor. They ‘act’ as children. That is fucking creepy. It also usually means their careers are doomed.